I'm Funny Too

the Wit
your humor style:
CLEAN COMPLEX DARK
You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat.

I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion.

You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais


The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

You scored higher than 87% on darkness
You scored higher than 2% on spontaneity
You scored higher than 7% on vulgarity

Random Africa Thoughts III

David Quammen, "Tracing the Human Footprint" in National Geographic (September 2005), p. 21:

Of course Africa isn't really a place, it's a million places. Its history is as deep as Precambrian bedrock, its landscapes more diverse than those of any other continent on the planet. Nowadays it encompasses 47 countries (not counting Madagascar and other islands) hundreds of . . ethnic entities, a total population of 900 million humans. It can be parsed into 104 terrestrial ecoregions, each unique in its physical and climatic features harboring a distinct plant and animal community. . . Within or near all these ecoregions live people, at greater or lesser concentrations, whose most elemental struggles and aspirations transcend ecological boundaries as well as national ones, thrumming steadily like the bass notes of a symphony.

Anyone who listens can detect these notes. Africans want better and fuller employment. They want food security and education for their children. They want good governance, free of oppression and corruption. They want fair, sensible arrangements for the management of wild landscapes and natural resources - arrangements chosen and controlled by Africans. They want peace. They're proud to be African as proud to be Dogon or Fang or Tuareg or Samburu or Tutsi, to be Kenyan or Ghanaian or Gabonese. Directly or indirectly, they suffer from the widespread ravages of AIDS, the pressures of population growth, and the broadly ramifying crush of poverty. Old-fashioned colonialism is gone, but its thefts and damages haven't been rectified.

None of these concerns is unique to Africa, but given what's at stake, the African particulars deserve special attentions from the rest of the world. Africa's glories and successes deserve special attention too. Despite all travails, African peoples produce magnificent art, graceful cultures, terrific music, great works of the mind, and astonishing act of political and moral courage. Imperialist rhetoric once branded it the "dark continent," but that was blind and stupid, not just wrong. It's bright with variety, tribulation, and joy.

Feeling Better / Basketball!

Shewara made me feel better yesterday - that's why she's awesome. My personal statement sucked, pretty much because it was way too negative-sounding, probably due to my negative mood. So I've been listening to "The Whole Shebang" all morning, and that's making me feel better - and hence improving the literary qualities of my statement. Booyah.

Additionally, I suddnely realize that the first night of practice for Illini Baskebtall 2K5-6 is only a fortnight away!! This excites me greatly.

Official Iskander Grad School Freak-Out Post!

Ok, so my personal statement sucks. I am aware. Which is incredibly frustrating, since I fancy myself something of a unique and fascinating, yet hardworking, individual that any graduate institution would be lucky to have. So the application deadlines are flying at me, I really don't feel prepared for the GRE (because I know deep down in my depths that my reading comprehension skills suck sweaty monkey balls for breakfast), and my biggest life fear is that I will get rejected from everywhere. Others insist this can't possibly happen. But somewhere between 80 and 90% of applicants get rejected from any given school, and while I may be awesome, I am not in awesomeness' upper tenth percentile.

But this is nothing new. I have been through this before. Sometimes various members of my family aren't the most understanding types (my Mom is yelling at me to get a hircut rather than work on the most important piece of writing I have had thus far in my LIFE) so I am just locking myself in my room and working. I happen to think my hair looks very nice.

So maybe I'm over-reacting. It's been a constant through the Age of Iskander that, though I may not think I'm that good at anything, I always tend to get awards and jobs and crap. Maybe I'm just fooling myself, but at least I try to be humble. Luckily I have a lot of great and helpful people around. My friends are always supportive, my professors have been great and eager to help, and Shewara even volunteers to edit all my work and talk me up when I'm feeling down.

Alright, time to go back and kick some UMichigan grad school application's ass. Booyah.

Kiribati

J. Maarten Troost - The Sex Lives of Cannibals, p. 15-16:

To picture Kiribati (pronounced kir-ee-bas on account of the local missionaries being stingy with the letter they used to transcribe the local language) imagine that the continental U.S. were to conveniently disappear leaving only Baltimore and a vast swath of very blue ocean in its place. Now chop up Baltimore into thirty-three pieces, place a neighborhood where Maine used to be, another where California once was, and so on until you have thirty-three pieces of Baltimore dispersed in such a way so as to ensure that 32/33 of Baltimorians will never attend an Orioles game again. Now take away electricity, running water, toilets, television, restaurants, buildings, and airplanes (except for two very old prop planes, tended by people who have no word for "maintenance"). Replace with thatch. Flatten all land into a uniform two feet above sea level. Sprinkle with Hepatitis A, B, and C. Stir in dengue fever and intestinal parasites. Take away doctors. Isolate and bake at a constant temperature of 100 degrees Fahrenheit. The result is the Republic of Kiribati.

Random Africa Thoughts II

Chicago Tribune, 24 July 2005, Section 2, Page 1:

Life Expectancy at birth (2003)

Latin America, Caribbean - 71
East Asia, Pacific - 70
Middle East, North Africa - 69
Europe, Central Asia - 68
South Asia - 63
SUB-SAHARAN AFRICA - 46

Random Africa Thoughts

First off, I think from now on, at least once a day, I will post some random quotation or piece of information from some interesting piece of literature I have read recently. This is to provoke intellectual discussion and critical thought among my readers.

Secondly, I was on the University of Wisconsin's Department of African Languages and Literature website, and they have this little bulleted list of reasons to study an African language. My two favorites:.

• Students in these courses tend to be more adventurous, independent-minded, socially conscious.
• Be different!

I totally wanna be different!! And I am already socially conscious and adventurous. Definitely more adventurous than those boring Spanish-speakers. Maybe I should learn Xhosa or Hausa or Yoruba.

Chipi-Chipi

Amor, te voy a comprar
Un avioncito para volar
En nuestra luna de miel.

Amor, te voy a comprar
Un trencito para viajar
En nuestra luna de miel.
Escucha lo que dice al caminar,
Nos canta el chipi-chipi para bailar.

Chipi-chipi
Chipi-chipi
Aprende a bailar
el ritmo del
Chipi-chipi


Love, I am buying you
A little plane to fly (in)
On our honeymoon.

Love, I am buying you
A little train to travel (in)
On our honeymoon.
Listen to what he says as he walks,
He sings us the Chipi-Chipi to dance (to).

Chipi-Chipi
Chipi-Chipi
Learn to dance
The rhythm of the
Chipi-Chipi

Totally NOT "Awesome!"

There's a store in a small strip mall by my house that has a rather intriguing name: "AWESOME!: A Shopping Adventure." Now knowing me like you probably do, you know that I am always about adventures and awesomeness. The shoppng not so much, but I felt an awesome shopping adventure would be totally cool. So being bored yesterday, I decided to make a short drive and see what they had to offer.

Which turned out to be crap. Crap! The store was divided into three sections. The first consisted entirely of basic Halloween decorations (which I assume get phased out and replaced with other holiday decor around Thanksgiving and Christmas and whatnot). It was also populated by soccer moms and tiny ankle-biters who tried to attack me. Being frightened both of the small children and the ghoulish displays, I made my way to the left side of the store which was even more frightening. It was full of gifts for old people! Ya know, those t-shirts that say corny things like "Certified Old Person: Been There, Done That" or some such. Walking canes with weird accessories, Old people cards, pillows, little figurines, etc. Scary. I left.

And went to the other side of the store. Which was full of lovey-dovey gifts AND gifts for 30-year old frat boys who never left college. The "I wuv U" bears with lace right next to the "Give me another beer, woman!" t-shirts complete with printed-on fake booze stains. Brilliant.

So then, very depressed that I wasted upwards of 27 cents in gas to come to this totally not awesome and not shopptastic unadventure, I left the store and went to Trader Joe's. They had white cheddar cheese and chai tea, both of which made me happy. And all was right with the world once again.

Machu Picchu

Shewara is the one who introduced me to Pablo Neruda, a brilliant Chilean poet of the 20th century and now one of my all-time favorite authors. I learned recently that he wrote a 12-canto long poem, more like a book, called "The Heights of Machu Picchu," a work that apparently was primarily responsible for garnering interest in ancient Latin American civilizations and ruins at the time it was published in 1945. I think I need to acquire a copy of this book.

I Shot 49 Today

And considering I hadn't played real golf in a few months, that actually isn't bad. I even had a birdie on the second hole. AND I got to wear my totally new and snazzy Illini golf outfit (matching hat and dry-fit polo shirt - totally hot.) I got to play with this cool old Lithuanian couple. The wife didn't talk much, but the husband talked my ear off with questions about archaeology and human origins and my future plans. Nice guy. That's the best part about playing golf on a public course at 1:00PM on a weekday; only the old retired people are out, so you get paired with them. They're always nice, and you know you're going to play better than they will so it boosts your ego. Maybe I'll go again tomorrow.

Grad School Redux

Wondering where I've been for three months? Researching grad schools, that's where! I've narrowed the list down to six, along with the pros and cons of each.

NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY - Evanston, Illinois
Good: In Chicago, gives full rides to all students plus $12K stipend, amazing African art library and collection. Small program, so more attention to me.
Bad: Very competitive admission (8% accepted), and nobody who does anything Tibetan or Peruvian (which could hurt my admission chances), big on foreign language prep (me=none.)

YALE UNIVERSITY - New Haven, Connecticut
Good: It's Yale. Colossal resources, full tuition remission and $18K to students, and the name means a great deal in academic circles.
Bad: It's not exactly close to a major city (NYC sorta), and I haven't heard the most wonderful things about New Haven either.

HARVARD UNIVERSITY - Cambridge, Massachusetts
Good: Close to Boston (we like Boston), and all the resources and great name of Yale.
Bad: Incredibly expensive the first two years ($50K per year - NO SCHOLARSHIPS), and also very pretentious. Yale is too though.

UNIVERSITY OF MICHIGAN - Ann Arbor, Michigan
Good: Vaguely close to home (4 hours to Chicago), excellent resources and funding (full rides and whatnot), and the only school on this list with specialists in my three key areas. Two of them are the leaders of their fields.
Bad: I've grown up hating UM. Evil Michigan. Also, it is near Detroit. Also hate Detroit. Additionally, rumored to be just as pretentious (if not more so) than Harvard and Yale. I've never met a student from there who I've really liked as a person. Scholar yes, but not person.

COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY - New York, New York
Good: Excellent program, rated best in the nation. Crazy resources of its own wealth and the city of New York at its disposal.
Bad: Program is very large and competitive, even cutthroat. The leading scholars there are people I don't really see eye to eye with. Don't like NYC very much, but I could live. Also, they don't give very much money to their students unless they are stupendously awesome (which I am, but I can't rely on the admissions people to figure that out.)

UNIVERSITY OF MARYLAND - College Park, Maryland
Good: Good program. Advisors in all my areas, and more of them at the close-by DC universities. I have a friend there who says I would totally get in, along with lotso money coming my way. Very laid back and intellectually free. DC has great museum and conferences for me to attend. They always beat Duke in basketball.
Bad: Not a big-name school, which may hurt my chances of getting a job later.

Decisions, decisions.