Mediations On Existence At 1:15 AM

It's amazing how much drama you can have over the span of a few hours without leaving your apartment (though I've actually been here since 3PM, meaning I haven't gone outside in 10 hours. Crazy how fast that goes.)

Most of that drama has taken place in the form of a 15-page theoretical work where I try to redefine what people mean by "objectivity" and "subjectivity" in film. Not only is something like this completely out of my realm of expertise, which tends to gravitate much more toward the pragmatic side of things, but I've also enounctered problems coming up with a sold conclusion. This is mainly because my professor's constant words to all are how we need to never stop questioning our assumptions, even to the point of asking why we feel the need to conclude at all. Needless to say this makes concluding very difficult, since through no fauly of my own I keep coming up with new things to say. Five hours later a 6-8 page rough draft has 14 pages plus an appendix and bibliography, and the world is no better because of it.

And the Illini lost. 72-66 to Maryland thanks to some terrible mistakes down the stretch. We hadn't lost a non-conference game at home in eight years (51 straight - think about that), so I am suddenly realizing that this season will be different than most. Much more of a learning experience - the players need to learn how to play, and the fans need to learn to accept losses before the wins come. And they will, I'm sure, but I just wanted a little pick-me-up before going back to finish my paper. But at least the Badgers won.

Tomorrow I have work in the morning, a lecture at noon by the world's leading expert on African oral [hi]stories (he's a professor here!), and class from 4-6 where I will turn in my rough draft. But my professor will provide words of encouragement and wisdom as always, I'll feel calm for a day or two, and then go back to wondering how to bring it all together.

When I heard the learn'd astronomer....